Is anyone there?

I wish someone would actually read my blog lol XD some stranger...I was reading this manga where that had happened to a girl. She had a blog and people commented on it and she met one of the guys who had always supported her on her blog and they fell in love :3 *aww how cute* but anyway.....now I kinda wished that would happen to me T^T
My life is good....no great! It's been a rough ride but I'm healing. I just need a really good friend...someone out there who's willing to listen to me so I can get all my feelings out without me thinking I'm being a bother or them thinking I want a relationship or anything. Cuz I don't! I just want a good guy friend.....But I'm just writing this for myself...because no one reads this anymore -___-
Is anyone there!?

*Dont leave me~*

Thoughts dont seem to be helping.
Yet floating in a world of my imagination does.
I fly through the clouds of pain into the land of dreams.
Your always there.
Sweet, and kind.
You listen to me.
And love me....even when you shouldnt.
I am a fool.
I do stupid things and make the most mistakes out of anyone.
But theres not a time where I regreted meeting you.
I dont want to remember you, rather then forget.
My wings are growing more, im gaining back my streangth.
I'll be waiting for you, in rain, wind, storm or snow.
Just please dont leave me.

*~Since When?

Since when did I ever think about something so sad? Since when did one look at your face bring me pain? Since when have you decided to completly ignore me? Since when was I afraid to speak? Since when did I watch from far away, like a sitting duck instead of doing anything? Since when have I hated you? Since when have I wanted nothing else but you? Since when has my world crubled underneth me and left me falling for hours, I want to do something, show you how i've changed, but you wont notice will you?

After all.

I cant reach you.

Since when?....
Since I said hello.

True Friends Shine Through*~

I remember having so many doubts about what a true friend should be. I discovered my friends will come to me if I just be my honest true self. True friends will have your back, and even with out you knowing, stand up for you. In a group of hundreds of people the ones who understand you, cry with you, would do anything to make you smile. Those are your true friends. No matter where they are they will always find a way to shine through.

Soul Reader*~

As wired and strange as this may sound. I believe I have the power to read peoples souls. In a way you could call it judging. But I don't cut people down. Its more like I find out who everyone THINKS they are and talk to them to find out who they REALLY are. Some cases there outside personality really is there true self. (Either that or they did a good job of hiding) But I know people, friends, that act a certain way around people then are completely different at home or with me since I don't really care and just want to know who they really are and except them for that. I like reading peoples souls and becoming friends with them to only learn and understand more of why and who they are. Of course when I tell doctors this they brush me aside as the crazy girl with a huge imagination. But I think I do have the power to read people's souls. To conect to them on so many levels. And to find out only more and more each day how amazing people are. I thank God for the amazing gift of making me a soul reader. :)

He said, "Welcome back, warrior."

So Im back to my living in a rut no drama life. It feels good! At the same time a little lonely. Nothing a little time with my girls cant handle. Im happy! REALLY HAPPY! And looking forward to my future and making new friends. But for now its back to day dreaming the day away about my Prcine. My Prince of the stars. As wierd as it my seem I used to have an imaginary friend. A guy named Star who was actually a prince! In a far away kingdom. I told myself I would one day marry him. (but soon grew older and found out marring your imaganry friend isnt really easy.) Anywho I had a dream last night about me in a red dress with my hair up walking up to the castle doors. When they opened he came out. He's Silver hair and teal eyes stopped my heart for what seemed like minutes. I was in love wiht him agian. In love with my dreams again. And once I realized that he said, "Welcome back, warrior."

Full Circle*~

Im looking at life in a new way now. I got what I asked for. I now realize I probably shouldnt have asked for it at all at the same time I should have. Theres so much I want to say to you but it would take all the time left in the world. How do I tell you? And im not sure if your mad at me. I can move on. No big deal. I just want to get out one more thing.

Cant Decide*~

What am I doing!? I move back and farwad between hurting you or being hurt and I cant decide whitch one is worse. I feel like im making the right choise but then I feel like this could be my biggest regret. My mind and heart dont agree. Maybe they never will. But for now I can find my way through the darkness as long as your voice is there in my head.

Shattered Glass*~

Im losing what grip I have on you. My pain? Is knowing I cant have you. I know your tired of me and probably have been waiting for this. I'm sorry I bothered you so much and I promise to never agian become a burden on your soul.

Find another heart*~

Im sick of this. Im sick. Do you hear me!? IM SICK OF THIS! Im tired of all the stuff that I have to go trough for nothing. Im tired of not being treated the way I think I should. In the end its all a lie. The whole thing. Maybe it was that way to you but I never felt that. Not once. Its not working our hour glass is running emtey. Im through with this mess. I want my life back. I WANT MY HEART BACK! You cant have it. This one is mine. Go find another heart to brake.

Looking back, breathing, walking forward again*~

Time. They say time never heals....yet when I'm hurt its always time that makes me feel better. I have thought about you so much. About everything up till now. About how maybe I'm not the right person...maybe I'm wishing and praying for all the wrong things and reasons. I now realize just how stupid and pointless I can get. I own up to it. this is my mistake. I will pick up each piece and fix myself. I'll stop chasing you. because I'm out of breath. I'll stop.....breath....turn around....and run....no... walk the other way. Because if you will always love me, you'll stop running and turn around to find me. But this time I'll just keep walking forward....all over again.

Raise up from the ashes*~

Take a deep breath. Shake off the tears. Gain courage. Lift your sword up to the sky. take a stand. Raise up from the ashes.

My heart Hurts*~

Do you know how much I cry? I cry when I remember you, becuase the thought that I havent seen you in while feels like forever. I cry when I listen to a song. A song that is telling you exactly how I feel, and then knowing you will never hear it. I cry when I wake up, becuase I just had a dream about you. My heart hurts. Its beating is hard and sharp. My tears burn. they brake out like fireworks. Now I cant escape my pain. Becuase im contantly thinking of you. And it hurts becuase....I know your not.

Shuld I doubt?

Doubting. Its something I'm never supposed to do. But why? Why is it so hard with you? Why cant you understand how I feel about you? Why don't you realize I'm a rare jewel only found once? I don't need your jokes or to be happy. All I wanted was "I love you". I want to see you say it and know you mean it. But with all the questions flouting around in the air it makes me feel so far away from you. Like two strangers that know nothing about each other. What happen? why all of the sudden are you forgetting me? Why are you forgetting I exist? Nothing adds up. Ive never trusted anyone before. Because I don't know how to. Why Do I feel like any second your going to tell me you don't love me? are you thinking about doing that? Then what happened to I'll always love you? Should I doubt that to?

I Miss you...

I miss beliving in fairytales. I miss the thoughts that blew up like bubbles and popped into my head. I miss walking outside at night. I miss counting the stars. I miss seeing you. I miss hearing your voice. I miss seeing your smile that warmed my heart...and my soul. I miss remembering your not mine...yet. Its like a splash of cold water to my face everytime I remember our times together. I miss them. I miss remembering you till I cry. I miss alot of things. Most importantly though....


I miss.... you.